Meditation diary 29.04.13

Today i started out with one recitation of the lords prayer and a small prayer asking that everything i do, think and say is in service to God.

Then i did a bit of time of the compassion mantra, before i slowly blended into integration(self-therapy) of my fear of having an impact in the world eventhough i so want to have an impact on the things around me. After about half an hour of integration(if you can call it that, i was trancending almost all of the time) i did around 25 minutes of the first avatar mantra, also transending a lot, i suppose that the transending is due to the fact that i did not sleep very much between yesterday and today and perhaps i am a bit more sensitive after a weekend seminar with Maha.

 

GuruDev

Meditation diary 26.04.13 – 28.04.13

i have had a lot on my mind this weekend so i did not want to use my time to write in this diary, so i will do it now instead.

Friday i wasn’t really happy, so i got drunk, watched tv-series and got emotional, it was not that spiritual, but a release of pressure that i believe i needed, the main emotions that surfaced friday night was a feeling of being alone and a feeling of being worthless, both feelings that are somewhat reoccurring in my life and that i have not yet found the root of, but i will. Eventually.

Saturday i attended a streamed seminar with Maha Vajra, the topic was shortly told: how to fuse the profane with the sacred.

Sunday was the second day of the streamed seminar with Maha Vajra, this day the topic, on request of one of the participants, was: how to ascend quickly.

condensed version of what i understood:

• do daily practice(more than 20 minutes) if you want to ascend fast, do the work.
• observe why you are pessimistic and do not think you can archive something when you have not tried yet.
• have an open mind to try out options, and never rule out anything before you have tested it.
• Do things with others in mind, do not do things purely for yourself, but do not do it purely for others either, find the balance between the two.
• develop the mindset of “I do not know how to do this, but i will find out.”

on a more personal note, i reacted to something Maha said that made me realize that he thinks that i benefits others, and it seems i do not agree with that, i can see intellectually that i benefits those around me, but i do not agree emotionally, i have some deep rooted feeling of not being enough i think. so i used some time after the seminar meditating to observe this feeling, when the feeling subsided i did a bit of  meditation on joy and then proceeded to go for a evening walk, before sitting down to try and work on a assignment i had to do.

 

GuruDev

God’s Will

god will not throw you the easy ball, he will challenge you, but he will challenge you so you will be ready, so you will evolve, i will try to embrace  that, how hard it may seem, no matter how much it seems like he is just trying to get me down, some day i will understand until then i will just have faith that He knows what is right…
Gods will be done

Amen

GuruDev

Meditation diary 25.04.13: Avatar 1

Today i decided that i want to start doing the avatar process of incarnation as taught by Maha Vajra.

So my meditation today consisted of a little bit of “OM Mani Padme Hum” and then i did the first mantra of the avatar process(the mantra of bliss and joy) for about half an hour. During my meditation i transended a couple of times, one of the times I transended i was not completely gone but had some awareness of my body at the same time another time i “woke up” and found myself repaeting my soulname mantra instead of the one i was doing, so i switched back again.

The meditation left me happy and relaxed and with a continous feeling that my heart is growing.

 

GuruDev

Meditation diary 24.04.13: soulname

so this is the first entry in this diary. and my first meditation session for over a week as i have been in a slump where i did not want to meditate, nor do anything else for that matter, i escaped into tv-series to avoid being aware of what i was feeling myself. I am not sure wether I have broken out of this slump yet, but i did meditate today, mostly because i wanted to have something to write in this blog. Lets hope the blog will keep on being a motivational factor for me to do my meditation.

today my meditation went like this: the first thing i did was the mantra of compassion(“Om Mani Padme Hum”) for about 5 minutes to elevate my consciousness. Then i switched over to saying “GuruDev” while focusing on being aware in my body(with focus on my abdomen) and being aware that i was aware, when i did this i started feeling pressure at my throat and the area got cold and tears started to run down my cheeks. after approximately 20 minutes of this i stopped saying “GuruDev” and began to integrate he feeling that was left in my stomach,but i did not try to figure out what emotion it was or where it came from, the feeling lifted after 10 minutes and then i contemplated joy for a brief moment, bow to my altar and stopped meditating.

Jai Guru Deva OM